I hate my daughter's father so much. I know I shouldn't, still I don't seem to be able to stop it. Gets worse.?

We dated for close to 2 yrs, then married for 7 years, my daughter was born in our first year of marriage. There is a 7 year difference, he is the oldest. Things started to turn bad after my daughter was born, she was always sick. For the first year of her life there was not much joy in our lives, I was most of the time jumping from one doctor appointment to the next, to the point I had to quit my job to concentrate in my daughter"s health. Finally at age 2 she was diagnosed with autism. A huge, new, completely unexpected challenge for my entire life. This was not the type of thing a doctor could cure with some antibiotics or with some care or spending some time in the hospital. As hard as I tried to be the caregiver, mother, wife, ual partner etc, etc, it seemed there was nothing I could do to make him happy. I worked also hard in squeezing time for myself to go to the gym and all of these things we women do to make us feel good about ourselves despite all of the chaos. I tried many times for us to discuss our feelings in a friendly, intimate approach to no avail. His answers were always evasive. I tried couple's therapy, he went to 4 sessions and decided it was not for him. After a lot of nasty stuff, we separated shortly after my daughter's 4th birthday and divorced a year later. I chose divorce mediation since I didn't think it was going to help the situation and the finances to make a nasty divorce fight. We agreed on joint custody since I felt at that time it was the best thing for everybody. It worked so so for the first year then he became more and more withdrawal, uninterested, distant, unreachable, not showing up to pick her up when she was supposed to, and with a million of excuses. He stopped paying for some of the therapies that she needs saying he couldn't afford it, I confronted him but there was nothing I could really do, he had his mine already set up into something else. He had what you might called a midlife crisis and started doing all sorts of cosmetic surgeries, vacationing all over the world, but still being a jerk with me and her daughter. I tried to have more conversations with him just so I didn't have to bring more confrontation in our lives, sometimes he acted as a gentleman, coming to his senses type of man, other times it was the complete opposite. I call this his bipolar attitudes about fatherhood. I feel desperate, tired, hopeless, lonely, poor, and struggling everyday of my life to keep myself and my daughter above water. My hate for him grows bigger and bigger. I just cannot stop from feeling this way and I know it is counterproductive for me and my daughter, still I don't seem to know how to stop it. I am now posting these feelings in hope to hear some kind words of support from other women out there. God Bless all of you and thank you in advanced for your responses.